This week marks almost the midway point in the first module of the MA. Towards the start, I posted some ‘reflections on reflection’, describing the purpose of a Critical Reflective Journal (CRJ) and the approach I wanted to take towards mine. Now seems like a good time to look back and take stock of how things have been going so far.
Before I look back over some of my journal entries and pick out some key themes that have come up, I wanted to dive a bit deeper into the concept of reflection itself. I did some research into critical reflection and journals in the first couple of weeks of the module, but I wanted to explore one of the resources recommended to us in this week’s course materials, namely Gillie Bolton’s Reflective Practice: Writing and Professional Development (2018).
In a couple of my journal entries and forum posts over the past few weeks, I’ve expressed a worry that I’m not being ‘academic enough’. I’ve also been concerned that my CRJ isn’t ‘reflective’ enough, and I’ve been generally unsure about whether or not I’m on the ‘right track’. By way of example, in this week’s forum post where we were asked to reflect on any ‘critical incidents’ we were experiencing at the moment, I answered:
In the past couple of weeks, I've felt quite a lot of self-doubt. I've loved learning about creativity, ideation, and prototyping, but I've worried that I'm not approaching my learning in a way that's 'rigorous' or 'academic' enough – which has occasionally spiralled into questioning whether I'm enough, etc. etc. I like getting feedback and I like knowing whether or not I'm on the right track (for example, with the style and references for my CRJ), and I've found myself really unsure whether I'm doing the 'right' things. I'm not too sure who the best person to talk to about it would be. (Anyone else feel similar at all?)
I wanted to explore these feelings of self-doubt further to try and understand where it might be coming from. I decided to start by revisiting what ‘critical reflection’ actually is, so I can evaluate for myself whether I feel my CRJ is in fact critically reflective.
Maps and compasses: reflection and reflexivity
According to Bolton, “the reliable map and accurate compass” that guide us through uncertainties as we work, live, and interact with the people and world around us are “reflection and reflexivity” (2018: 4). It’s not unequivocally clear from this assertion whether these two concepts are ‘map’ and ‘compass’ respectively, but this would seem to make sense from later definitions.
Beginning with reflection, Bolton’s definition describes an “in-depth review of events,” where the reflector considers “what happened, what they thought or felt about it, who was involved, when and where, what these others might have experienced and thought and felt about it from their own perspective. Most significantly, the reflector considers WHY?, and studies significant theory and texts from the wider sphere” (ibid: 9). Reflection, then, involves focused thinking, particularly about why events occur in the way that they did, and why we feel, think, or act in the ways we do.
Reflexivity is best viewed as an aspect of reflection rather than as separate from it. “Reflexivity is finding strategies to question our own attitudes, theories-in-use, values, assumptions, prejudices and habitual actions; to understand our complex roles in relation to others” (ibid: 10). For example, we might explore the limits of our knowledge. Reflexivity allows us to “recognise we are active in shaping our surroundings, ways of relating to others and communicating” (ibid). It seems then that reflexivity is deeper on some level than reflection, going further than ‘what happened and how did I think and feel about it?’, and instead asking questions like ‘why did I miss that?’, ‘how did others perceive my actions?’, ‘what impact did my assumptions have on my experiences?’.
We could say that the map, then, is reflection, or reflective practice in general. We draw our map as we engage in reflection, plotting out the lay of the land that surrounds us – the flatter planes where we can see the road ahead along with the undulations and rocky terrain where uncertainties, challenges, and other obstacles may or may not await us. As far as we can, we can use our map to plan routes through difficulties, and we enjoy the scenery on a successfully executed trip.
The compass is reflexivity, where we orientate ourselves more specifically within our map, thinking about where we are, taking in our surroundings and considering what they mean for us and our position. If we’ve ended up somewhere unexpected, we can consider why and how this happened – what impact did our assumptions, habitual actions, and attitudes have on the paths we took on our journey? If we are pointing, say, west, what does this mean according to our map, and what impact does this have on how we feel about where we are? How has our journey’s trajectory so far impacted our actions, thoughts, hopes, fears, roles, values, and assumptions? And based on that, do we need to think about changing course, not simply accepting the direction we are headed, but actively shaping our own surroundings?
The map and compass need to be used in tandem to be truly effective. The map records our journey and provides a starting point for looking around and considering how our surroundings make us think and feel. The compass prompts us to carefully consider whether we are going in the right direction, as well as whether the direction we think is right is in fact ‘right’ at all, examining the internal beliefs that have led us to this point. Each step on the journey offers its own unique and valuable opportunities for learning, growth, and understanding of ourselves and the people and spaces around us.
In this way, then, my own questioning of what is ‘right’ could be seen as simply part and parcel of being a reflective practitioner. It’s not about being absolutely certain of what you’re doing and where you’re going – it’s more having an idea of somewhere you’d like to go, and thinking deeply about how you might get there, what challenges you might face, and how you might overcome them.
As I was trying to wrap my head around the concepts of ‘reflection’ and ‘reflexivity’, I noticed myself flip-flopping between comprehension and confusion, intrigue and (self-)doubt. The map and compass metaphor helped me understand that the two concepts differ, in that reflection is more about the who, what, when, where, how, and crucially why, while reflexion goes deeper, looking at underlying assumptions, beliefs, and habits.
However, I also found myself questioning whether these distinctions – and the relatively complex language with which they were described – are actually necessary. Indeed, the very fact that I’ve had to explain the concepts at least three times already while writing this entry is evidence of how difficult I’m finding it to fully comprehend the difference between ‘reflection’ and ‘reflexivity’ – and I can’t believe I’m the only one having trouble. I appreciate the fact that Reflective Practice is grounded in solid and broad-ranging academic research. But given the importance of reflection in so many domains – educational, professional, personal, cultural, and societal – would it not be preferable to make the concepts relating to it and the language used to describe it as clear and accessible as possible, so that it can be applied and benefited from by as broad a range of people as possible?
(Conversely, the chapters on writing resonated with me greatly and were explained in such a way that I could grasp the concepts and practical application much more easily. I thought this in itself was worth some reflection at some point – the fact that I’m always drawn to words, language, and writing, in my work, my free time, even in the slogan t-shirts I wear and the motivational quote posters and signs I have in my flat. I’ll very briefly look at how I’ve championed writing in my CRJ entries so far later in this entry, but I’d like to explore my relationship with writing further in another entry too.)
Delving deeper into what reflective practice actually involves has already given me some reassurance that I’m going in the right direction with my CRJ. Specifically, Bolton asserts that “reflective practice helps us accept uncertainty which is the route to effective learning and professional artistry” (ibid: 7). This made me consider how my own uncertainty is in fact not only normal (and, indeed, to be expected when learning something new in particular), but also beneficial to my practice: “certainty does not generate the flexibly enquiring attitude required by learning” (ibid). Had I not been unsure of how ‘well’ I was reflecting in my CRJ, I wouldn’t have sought out further sources to help me understand – and this entire journal entry so far wouldn’t exist. The only real certainty in so many things in life is in fact uncertainty – and it’s often in uncertainty that we can find some of the best lessons for growth.
So, as I continue with my reflective practice, I want to delve deeper into any uncertainties, doubts, and worries I feel, trying to figure out where they might be coming from so I can look at my ‘map’ and consider my next best steps.
Reflective domains
In this week’s main reading, we were introduced to 5 domains of reflection:
Dispositional (relating to time management, motivation, discipline, and our general behaviour)
Affective (relating to feelings, experiences, and emotions)
Interpersonal (relating to our skills and approaches when interacting with others, including verbal and non-verbal communication, listening, decision making, negotiating, and problem-solving)
Cognitive (relating to the strengths and weaknesses of our approach to learning)
Procedural (relating to the skills we already possess and where improvements are needed)
I’ll refer to these domains as I look back at my CRJ progress so far, thinking about which areas I’ve engaged with (and which I’ve enjoyed the most) and which I’d like to pay more attention to going forward.
Reminding myself: what is a CRJ to me?
At the start of the course, I defined 3 key functions my CRJ should fulfil, namely:
Discussing how I understand the theories, concepts, and challenge activities that I engage with each week, referencing all relevant (academic) materials and readings
Reflecting on what I learn from my peers and tutors, and considering how their feedback may alter or inform my own opinions, and
Thinking about obstacles and blockers I encounter and what am I doing to overcome and learn from them for my future practice
I also said that I wanted to tie my learning back to my personal and professional goals and ambitions by ‘designing’ my own learning experience, selecting reading materials that are both informative and that I find enjoyable to help me address my own learning needs.
I’d like to take a look at these in a bit more detail and consider how far I’ve fulfiled each of these CRJ goals so far.
Making conceptual connections
Looking back over my entries so far, I’m actually quite surprised by the ground I’ve been able to cover over the past five weeks or so. I’m pleased to see how I’ve been able to make connections between different concepts and activities, and to formulate my own opinions on some of the key concepts we’ve been introduced to, particularly creativity, innovation, and (intrinsic) motivation. The entries where I’ve been able to make these kinds of connections probably fall within the cognitive domain, as they demonstrate how I learn best – i.e. connecting the things I read with other things I read and relating all of this back to my own life experiences.
For me, learning has to be relatable – abstract theory where I can’t see the practical purpose frustrates me and doesn’t sink in. Concepts explained in ‘human’ terms – where I can hear the writer’s actual voice – also resonate with me on a much more fulfilling level than when they’re explained in an overly academic or robotic tone. Some of the reading I’ve done so far (particularly Petty, Kelley and Kelley, Gauntlett, and Knapp) has inspired me and given me the confidence to embrace my own voice in my writing, and not to conform to the strict and often unnecessarily opaque style of much academic writing.
Making human connections
Reading through my journal entries and thinking back on the past five weeks, I was quite shocked – and more than a little disappointed – with how little I’ve engaged so far with my coursemates (resulting in a significant lack of reflection in the interpersonal domain so far). The remote format is of course a restrictive factor, in the sense that I’m not physically in the same room as my peers, making opportunities for small-talk and social interaction very limited.
I do engage with others in the weekly forums, love reading their CRJ entries, provide feedback where I can, and engage in the breakout room discussions in our weekly webinars. But I would like to make more of an effort to speak to people outside of these course-specific contexts. Perhaps setting up a group WhatsApp chat or suggesting a ‘UX tea break’ drop-in type session where we can all come and chat informally about how things are going with the course – and with life in general – could be a nice place to start.
Reading for pleasure and (not ‘or’) academia
I’m pleased with how I’ve been able to remain judicious in my reading choices. Specifically, I’ve been able to do a reasonable amount of reading each week in line with what I can achieve around my other work and life commitments. Alongside choosing specific chapters from books in the module reading list that are relevant to the weekly topics, I’ve also specifically chosen reading material that resonates with me on a personal level. By ensuring the texts I choose are still grounded in rigorous research and academic foundations, I’ve been able to enjoy my curated weekly reading and gain a lot more knowledge and understanding from it than I would have from a dauntingly long list of materials that didn’t speak to me and my interests.
This being said, I still feel a lot of self-imposed pressure to read ‘more’ and read ‘better’. As I was reading Bolton’s book this weekend, I was struck by her distinction between our “espoused values” – the values that we claim to have and believe that we do have) – and our “values in practice” – “those we actually unwittingly live and work by; they are sometimes at variance with those we espouse” (2018: 26).
I think I have a tendency – especially in my writing – to sound quite confident in my assertions, when in reality, the self-doubt is most definitely there. For instance, the sentence above originally read: “I’ve set myself a reasonable amount of reading each week” rather than “I’ve been able to do…”. In truth, the amount of reading I ‘set myself’ is almost always unrealistic. I like to take my time when I’m reading, make lots of notes, and really feel like I’ve got to grips with the material. Telling myself I’ll read two or three full books in a week and make detailed notes on them all alongside all the other things I have to do is unhelpful and unfeasible – and yet I still find myself doing it. Though I espouse the value of being kind to myself, enjoying what I’m doing, and not trying to take on too much (and though I firmly and truly believe and want this for other people), in reality, I’m often hard on myself, put pressure on myself to the point that enjoying myself can fade into the background like an unnecessary ‘nice-to-have’, and try to take on more than I reasonably can, ultimately feeling like I’ve let myself down.
That was quite difficult to write. Definitely something I’d like to come back to later.
Honestly, honesty is the best policy
As is hopefully clear from the above, I’ve made a conscious effort to not censor myself in the way that I write or the things I write about. This entry where I talked about the meltdown I’d had in the week before the rapid ideation sprint was hard to write. It’s hard admitting that you’re struggling, doubting yourself, questioning whether you have the ability to be doing something. But those feelings that are often so difficult to express are also often among the most commonly shared – as I’ve discovered from some of the ‘that’s so relatable!’-style comments I’ve received from my peers on my blog and other entries in the weekly class forums.
In my CRJ, I’ve definitely engaged with the affective domain – my emotions and feelings and experiences – more than all the others so far. This doesn’t surprise me, having always been quite an ‘emotional’ person, in the sense that I feel things strongly and personally, even if they aren’t happening directly to me. I want to keep expressing myself in my CRJ, in the hope that I can help others feel even a little bit more confident to embrace and express themselves too.
Championing writing
I’m proud of myself for establishing a common thread of ‘writing’ between the majority of my journal entries. As a UX writer/content designer, I’m passionate about the importance of words to shape the experiences we create. True to my principles, I’ve incorporated this belief into each challenge activity so far, which has helped me to practice my skills, and to advocate for the importance of writers in the UX design process.
As the MA progresses, I’d like to engage a bit more with the procedural domain when it comes to thinking about what skills I have now and where there might be gaps I’d like to fill or blockers I need to overcome in order to progress as a writer. Specifically, I’d like to think about which skills and roles align with my personal values of creativity and empathy, so I can do my best to make sure whatever I do in the future brings me at least some degree of intrinsically motivated joy.
The value of narratives
There are a few CRJ entries where I’ve adopted a more descriptive approach, particularly in my rapid ideation entries, which have at times been more diary-esque in style. I’m a bit ambivalent about this. On the one hand, I understand that the purpose of a CRJ is to go beyond ‘surface level’ description, and to deeply and rigorously analyse the thought processes I’ve adopted, what inspired these, how I feel about how I implemented them, and what I’ve been able to learn to inform my future practice. On the other hand, I don’t see anything wrong in recording events in a more step-by-step or narrative style, provided that I come back and reflect on these at some point (as is my intention for my rapid ideation entries). For me, these entries can serve as a valuable pre-cursor to later reflection, allowing me to gather the raw materials of my thought processes before I reflect on what happened, how that’s impacted me now, and what I’ll be taking away for the futures.
SMART goals
Considering my CRJ entries so far in the context of the five reflective domains sparked a few ideas for goals I’d like to reach for in the short-, medium-, and long-term. By keeping them SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound), I can hopefully make sure the goals I set for myself are ambitious and positively challenging, while remaining feasible and focused:
Short-term (during this module)
I would like to further expand and consolidate my understanding of creative strategies and approaches so that I can feel confident that I have a bank of creative tools to draw from throughout the rest of the course. To do this, I will complete a course with the Interaction Design Foundation to enhance my knowledge of creative methods and I will put this knowledge to use in the second rapid ideation sprint of module one. I will spend approx. 3hrs per week on the course, aiming to finish it before or during the next rapid ideation sprint (week 9).
Medium-term (before the start of module two)
I would like to identify some concrete skills/knowledge areas to learn and practice throughout the rest of the MA that align with my career goals and aspirations. To do this, I will spend 2-3 hours before the start of module 2 looking at job adverts for roles and companies that appeal to me and making a mind-map of the key skills and competencies required, so I can develop project ideas that revolve around these throughout the course. I would also like to map these skills onto my personal values so that I can feel confident that they align with what I find fulfilling and enriching in life.
Long-term (ongoing)
I would like to continue to read at least one academic journal article or book chapter per week related to the weekly topics, choosing sources that align with my career aspirations and interests. I will reflect on my reading each week in my critical reflective journal, writing shorter articles that I can publish more frequently to capture my thoughts about my reading in 'real-time'.
I would like to set clearer boundaries between university work, my full-time job, and my personal life. I would like to explore the possibility of compressing my hours at work so I can use one half-day during the week to focus on university work, meaning I can spend at least one evening during the week and one full day each weekend completely present and enjoying my time with my family. I would like to aim to complete 2x hrs university work in the evening Monday-Thursday, 5x hrs university work on Friday afternoons, 5x hrs university work one day each weekend (= 18hrs per week), adjusting this as necessary in order to complete the module assignments to the best of my ability.
I’m looking forward to seeing what progress I’m able to make with these SMART goals by the end of module one, as well as the more general principles I outlined at the start of the course.
References
BOLTON, Gillie and Russell Delderfield. 2018. Reflective Practice: Writing and Professional Development. SAGE Publications.
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